


Summer Sunsets

by gaypanic_03



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, Fluff and Smut, Happy Ending, Lack of Communication, Light Angst, kind of slow burn, they're super dumb but we love them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:08:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24344767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gaypanic_03/pseuds/gaypanic_03
Summary: "Ava’s earliest memory is of Sara.5-year-old Sara, blonde hair in pigtails, freckles everywhere, kind blue eyes, mischievous smile missing a couple of teeth, dimple in chin. It’s summer and they are on Ava’s front yard, running around and laughing. Sara’s face on the yellow and orange hues of summer air. They are surrounded by the lingering smell that warm sunsets seem to carry with them, the smell of home, of feeling loved, of being safe."ORSara was Ava's childhood friend and next-door neighbor, until everything went wrong. As an adult, Ava is left with a plethora of memories that she doesn't know how to deal with.
Relationships: Sara Lance/Ava Sharpe
Comments: 30
Kudos: 226





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone :)
> 
> This is a fic written entirely to fit my desire to write one specific scene.  
> Ava is a columnist and Sara is a fiction author.  
> I apologize for any English/North American culture/Journalism inaccuracies, I'm an engineer and English is my second language lol.  
> Also Amaya and Charlie are twins because I'm a rebel.

Ava’s earliest memory is of Sara.

_5-year-old Sara, blonde hair in pigtails, freckles everywhere, kind blue eyes, mischievous smile missing a couple of teeth, dimple in chin. It’s summer and they are on Ava’s front yard, running around and laughing. Sara’s face on the yellow and orange hues of summer air. They are surrounded by the lingering smell that warm sunsets seem to carry with them, the smell of home, of feeling loved, of being safe._

The memory was hazy now, too much passed since she was immersed in this feeling of absolute joy and carelessness. Ava sighed and tried to focus on her work. These memories always crept up on her and she had to actively push them down or she got completely lost, staring blankly at the computer screen while watching a movie of her childhood flashing before her eyes. It stirred up too much, feelings surging in her chest as the familiar sensation of open wounds settled in.

She typed a couple more paragraphs to the piece she was writing for Star City’s biggest newspaper until her mind started drifting again. She got taken back to the feeling of being around _her_ , the youngest Lance, her infectious laugh and unique ability to make Ava feel seen. 

_She and Sara are around 8 years old, playing in Sara’s room, until Sara gets up from the floor and goes to her desk. Ava instantly misses the feeling of the other girl sitting next to her, but chooses to say nothing, instead following Sara with her eyes. Sara takes a piece of paper and gives it to Ava, smiling. “What’s this?” Ava asks, and Sara just smiles more in return. Ava opens the piece of paper to find a drawing of the two of them together fighting some pirates. Above the drawing there’s a note written in rudimentary calligraphy: Adventures of Sara and Ava. Ava beams at her friend, puts the drawing carefully in her backpack and_ \- Her phone rang loudly and she was yanked away from her memories, back to deadlines, meetings and half-drunk cups of coffee. 

A couple of hours of uninterrupted work later she took a deep breath and rubbed her face with both hands, trying to shake off the tiredness. She saved all her work and closed her laptop, glancing through the 4th floor window of the second bedroom of her apartment, that she used as an office. She had a view of the street, and a heavy sky and pouring rain stared back at her, making her feel even more tired and sluggish. She stretched and got up, taking her phone with her across the bare white walls of the apartment she had just moved into a couple of months ago. She stepped barefoot on the wooden floors, knowing by heart where all the unopened boxes were, moving gracefully while looking at her phone. For the thousandth time since she had found Sara’s personal Instagram profile, she saw herself staring at the screen, debating whether she should start following her. The profile was private, which made the temptation even bigger. She reached her couch and left the decision for later, as she always did, putting down her phone and picking up the remote. She sat down and started roaming around on Netflix until she found something half-interesting to watch, sinking deeper into the couch and making herself feel comfortable. She hadn’t furnished her house just yet, but she made sure to have more blankets and pillows than she could possibly need. The TV was talking to her, but she was only half-listening.

_She’s about 10 or 11, walking to school next to Sara, the two girls talking about their plans for the weekend. The sky is cloudy and there’s a cool breeze in the air. Ava reaches to hold Sara’s hand, wanting to be a little closer to the other girl. The action is sweet and innocent, childhood friends walking a very familiar path. She feels the warmth and comfort of Sara’s hand in hers, and hears her carelessly laughing at something Ava said, until the laugh suddenly stops, and Ava feels Sara’s hand being yanked away from hers. Ava looks up and sees a much older Sara staring blankly at her, indifference all over her face. Sara walks away and she’s left alone in the sidewalk, not knowing what she did wrong. The cool breeze makes her hands feel cold._

The overwhelming feeling of loneliness was still with her when she suddenly woke up.

She rubbed her hands under her eyes, trying not to think about the dream too much. Ava pretended she didn’t know why the dreams had been so much more frequent ever since she had moved to this new apartment. For the past year or so Ava had been living with Alice, a yoga teacher she met at the gym. They’d had great chemistry and got along really well, until Alice got a job in Argentina. Ava had been surprised at how little she felt when they inevitably broke up. 

Feeling exhausted, she dragged herself out of the couch, heated up some leftovers, brushed her teeth and changed into her pjs. Her heart felt heavy because of the dream, and outside she could hear the rain letting up. “ _Fucking shitty ass day_ ”, she thinks. She still didn’t have a bed, her mattress laid out on the floor of an otherwise empty bedroom. She threw herself into it, wishing for a dreamless night. The silence in her apartment seemed louder than ever.

\-----

The next morning rose sunny and Ava woke up to sunlight on her bare legs, instantly making her feeling better. Yesterday’s dream partially forgotten, she changed into her running gear, easily braided her hair, ate a banana, and went out for a run. The early November sun greeted her and she felt almost good, better than she remembered feeling for a while. When she came back home she took a nice warm shower, washed her hair and put on some comfy home-office-freelancer clothes, which meant sweatpants and an ok-to-be-seen-in shirt. She called Amaya and put her on speaker while she made breakfast. Amaya answered in just a couple of rings.

“Well, hello asshole.” Amaya greeted her, a smile in her voice.

Ava rolled her eyes “Such a drama queen. I was super busy yesterday. I have a couple of deadlines for today and wanted to get as much work done as possible. Friday deadlines suck.”

“Ok fine, but I still want to grab coffee with you. I feel like I haven’t seen you in _ages_.” Amaya replied.

Ava feigned annoyance “Amaya, it’s been like a week.”

“Oh, ok, blame me for missing my best friend!”

Ava laughed “It’s not like anything major happened in my life.”

“So... the blonde from two weeks ago? Nothing?”

Ava sighed “Yeah, she’s a great person, but I just didn’t feel the connection.”

“Ava…” And there was the tiniest bit of worry in Amaya’s voice.

“Amaya, don’t. I’m in a great mood today.” 

Amaya sighed, but didn’t push. “Ok, so how about I buy us a cup of coffee, come over to your house tomorrow and help you to _finally_ unpack your stuff? Then we can go to Ikea and buy the furniture you still need.”

Thankful for the change of subject Ava said “Yeah, that actually sounds good. I got so used to the boxes, they kinda feel like decor now.”

“Oh for God’s sake, I’m so happy you have me in your life. You are such a disaster adult. Oh, Charlie’s calling, I have to go.”

“Ok, talk to you later.”

Ava sucked in a deep breath and closed her eyes for a few seconds. A couple of memories of Charlie, Sara and Mick sitting in the school's cafeteria popped in her head, but she pushed them down with her honeyed toast and black coffee.

The rest of her day went by with the same light feeling she got when she‘d been woken up by the sun. She finished her articles and went into a quick FaceTime meeting to arrange her next commissions. 

Gideon, her contact in the newspaper, was talking to her “So, I was thinking… How about you send us some opinion pieces for the culture section?”

She could see Gideons business-like face on their video call, as she said “I don’t know, Gideon. It’s not my specialty, and I’m not sure how readers would react to reading my take on movies and books.” 

Gideon agreed “Absolutely. Your name is too heavily associated to our politics and finance sections, I could see it backfiring. Would you mind doing it under a pseudonym?”. 

Ava didn’t really want to. She felt like it was too much of a risk, they could ask her to review something from... - she looked at Gideon and realized this was not a situation where she could just say no. “Ok, I can do it.” Ava tried to smile. She wouldn’t put her career in the line just for fear of having to review Sara’s work. And anyway, she hadn’t heard of any new books coming along, so… Gideon’s voice brought her back from her thoughts. 

“Good. We are expecting a couple of books to come along for review next week, I’ll select one of them and send it to you. You write your review and we can talk about it, see if it fits, how does that sound?”

“Perfect.” 

Ava organized her schedule for the next week, and closed her laptop deciding not to think about this new commission. She stretched and gazed out the window into the darkening street, looking at the passersby. The vision of a blonde head in a small, fit body sent her heart into frenzy, until the woman moved, revealing a different face then she’d expected. Ava suddenly felt tired, her head hurting a little, and she closed her eyes while massaging her temples. She needed to relax.

Once again she got up, phone in hand, avoiding all the boxes, scrolling through Instagram until she allowed her fingers to take her to Sara’s page. The number of posts had gone up from yesterday and she pretended her heart didn’t skip a beat. She locked the phone and threw it on the sofa, her head still hurting a bit. She grabbed a bottle of wine, opened it and took it into the living room, not really caring for a glass as she was pretty sure she was about to drink the whole bottle. She put on some stupid show that didn’t require her to think too much and gulped the wine too fast, her stomach a little too empty. 

As the bottle grew emptier, she felt lighter and more relaxed. She felt her thoughts swimming in her head, as sleep started to settle in her eyelids. All interest lost in the TV show, she drifted back to Sara’s Instagram profile page. _Now all the photos magically available to her, Sara wearing a bikini, Sara working out, Sara in a crop top, just an overload of Sara._

She was scared into wakefulness, hearing banging on the door, last night’s headache ten times worst, her tongue dry and heavy. The TV was on, asking if anyone was still watching, and as she realized she had dreamed of Sara’s Instagram page, her headache seemed to worsen. The room was too bright, her stomach felt tight as nausea swept over her and she tried to breathe full breaths. She jumped again when there was more banging on the door, someone yelling “Ava Charlotte Sharpe, let me in or I’m calling the police!”. At the full name she groaned and dragged herself to let her friend in, feeling like absolute shit. Amaya was on the other side of the door, two coffees in hand, and a smile a little too bright for Ava’s current state. 

“Hey, I thought you were dead in there for a second.” Amaya joked.

“Argh, I wish. I have to tell the doorman you’re not to be given free access to the building.”

Amaya waved her off as she looked at her with curiosity “Are you hungover? Did you go out? Do you have company?”

“Breathe Amaya. I got drunk by myself like a lady, thank you very much.” Amaya chuckled as she sat down on the couch after depositing Ava’s cup of coffee in her hand.

“I brought coffee, as promised. Drink up, go take a shower, I’ll make us something to eat, and we’ll get to organizing.”

Ava was too tired to argue, and the coffee was at the perfect temperature, so she just gulped it, thinking maybe she should have drunk some water before. When the cup was gone she felt better. She kissed Amaya lightly on the top of her head and mumbled a thank you before hitting the shower.

She was brushing her teeth when the vision of a 14 year-old Sara came to her mind, clear as if she were watching a movie.

 _Sara is talking about the boys in school and Ava is quietly listening. She is looking at Sara and her chest tightens, the feeling becoming familiar to her. Sara asks her if she noticed how cute that boy John was, with a british accent. Ava hadn't noticed, but now she feels this knot in her stomach, and wish she could change the subject somehow. Sara asks her what boys she noticed, and she quietly listens as Ava mumbles something incomprehensible. Sara stares at her for a minute and asks “How about girls?”._ Ava blinked the memory away and finished her morning routine, trying to remember the last day she hadn’t thought about Sara at all. She sighed when she realized she didn’t know. 

At least Amaya was waiting for her with pancakes, coconut water and more coffee on the kitchen counter.

“I went for a quick trip to the store down the street. I know how much you love coconut water when you’re hungover, and we need to put food in your system if we are going to get your damn life together today Sharpe.” Amaya smiled.

“Thank you, you’re so good to me.” Ava said quietly.

“Only when you’re an asshole to yourself.”

Ava rolled her eyes at her friend as she was finishing up the pancakes, and went to the living room to pick up her phone and the empty bottle of wine. She placed the phone on the kitchen counter to throw away the bottle.

“So, should we get to Ikea first or start unpacking first? I have a pretty good idea of what I need to buy.” Ava said as she drank a glass of coconut water.

“Maybe Ikea first? Then we don’t have to worry about time or looking like hell when we’re done unpacking.” Amaya had her back to Ava, as she finished the last batch of pancakes.

“Okay.” Ava said, feeling the coconut water wash away some of the hangover.

The mention of time made Ava wonder what time it was, so she picked up her phone and felt her head spin. She froze in so much shock that Amaya sensed it and rushed to make her sit down. She was barely aware of all of her friend’s worried noises as her eyes were still glued to the screen of her phone, trying to figure out if the notifications with a timestamp from an hour ago were really there.

9 am.

Sara L. has accepted your request to follow her.

Sara L. has requested to follow your account.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it!  
> This will be mostly Ava's point of view, but I have plans to add one chapter featuring Sara's pov.  
> The story is partially written already, and it will probably go to 5 chapters.
> 
> Leave comments! I rejoice on stranger's approval of me!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again!
> 
> One more chapter for you guys.  
> We left Ava panicking over drunk following Sara on Instagram.
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy reading this, it's my first fic and I'm having a lot of fun writing it :)

Amaya was sitting on the floor, hands on her belly, all air out of her lungs as she laughed uncontrollably. 

“You’re such an ass sometimes” Ava grumbles, rolling her eyes. Her heart was still beating a little faster than she would like, but she was mostly recovered. Not that she had unlocked her phone or even glanced at it, choosing to store it in her back pocket and trying to forget about it. The thought of having flagged to Sara that she was _thinking_ about her, that she tracked down her personal page, that she had wanted to make some form of contact with her just sent Ava’s head into a spiral of overthinking everything. She ran her hands through her hair, trying to shove away the intruding thoughts. 

“How did you find her? I thought you didn’t want to know her Instagram handle” Amaya asked still laughing a bit. 

“When did I ever say that?!”

“When you were very unconvincingly telling me you didn’t care to know what she and Charlie were doing, after I talked about them - well, her, for 10 minutes.” Amaya raised an eyebrow. 

“I was just being a good friend and not interrupting you.” Ava said, looking at her hands. “She liked one of your sister’s pictures and the handle caught my eye. I went into the profile and the picture was her face, when she was maybe 7. So I recognized her. No biggie.” Ava intentionally forgot to mention that it was a picture she was familiar with, a picture which Ava herself was in, standing right next to Sara. Ava could even see a little bit of her hair in it, because of the way Sara had cropped the picture. Ava’s heart had squeezed in her chest when she realized that.

Ava looked up at her friend and Amaya’s eyes had a little sparkle in them - Amaya could see right through her. They’d been friends through high school, but not close friends, only really growing a relationship when they were in college. Even so, Amaya had always been one to see exactly what was happening inside Ava’s head, even in high school, but she was too gentle to ever push Ava to say anything. Ava knew Amaya had just waited for her to open up when she was ready, which eventually happened, and Ava was so grateful. She had grown so much over the last couple of years, and she knew she’d be in a much darker place if it wasn’t for Amaya.

Amaya was still smiling when she got up from the floor “Well, that I have to agree with you. It really is no biggie, but somehow it looked like you’d seen a ghost or something.” Ava didn’t reply and didn’t really look at her friend, keeping her eyes on the breakfast table. “So you followed her while you were drunk, so what. You should accept her request to follow you!” Amaya said gently.

“No way, that’s too much Amaya.” Ava said while she went back to look down at her hands. 

“What do you have to lose?”

Ava looked at her friend’s eyes and all the playfulness was gone. Amaya’s eyes had almost turned maternal as she was getting closer to Ava. “You don’t have to do anything else about it today, we can not talk about it anymore. But just accept her request to follow you. Nothing to lose. It’s your call though, I won’t say anything else.” Amaya went in for a hug, instead fishing Ava’s phone from her back pocket and placing over the table. “Do you want maple syrup with your pancakes?” Amaya asked pretending nothing had happened. 

Ava knew she was right. She knew it, so while Amaya was looking for maple syrup and jam Ava quickly accepted Sara’s request, turned off all notifications from Instagram, just to be safe, and shoved the phone back into her back pocket. 

Amaya did good on her promise and they talked about everything - but nothing remotely Sara related. Ava almost forgot about Sara while the two women went about their day, shopping for furniture and some decor for Ava’s apartment, and later unpacking boxes. Ava felt much better when Amaya was around, and spontaneously she started talking about the blonde from two weeks ago.

“I don’t know, she just didn’t fit you know? Or maybe I didn’t fit in her space, I sure as hell didn’t bring her here. I just looked around at her room in the morning and she was too much of a stranger, and I felt no need to get to know her. So I just told her that I wasn’t looking for anything serious, and she completely understood. I mean, we met at a bar, it’s not like we were engaged. But I still felt kind of bad? I don’t know, she was a nice person and I felt like an asshole to let her go just because she isn’t -” Ava stopped herself and looked at Amaya. She saw the most understanding eyes as her friend said “I know”. It hurt a little, like all her mind was on display for the world to see.

She took a deep breath and asked “How about you?” to keep the focus out of herself. Amaya took her cue beautifully, and started talking about her vet clinic and all the plans she had to expand it and maybe open a doggy day care and hotel.

The whole day flew by, with both women opening boxes and laughing at the weird things they randomly found. They managed to finish unpacking everything, except for a couple of boxes with pictures and souvenirs that Ava intended to leave in boxes anyway. 

When Amaya fell asleep on the couch on the beginning of the evening, Ava noticed that she was also exhausted. And she realized that her friend had kept her so busy that she didn’t think about her phone for the entire day. She braced herself as she set on the floor, with her back do the couch, and unlocked it.

Quickly she replied a couple of texts and went through her work email - all was fine. Her finger hovered over the Instagram icon until the brightness of the screen automatically dimmed. She took a deep breath as she went into it and straight to Sara’s page where, just like in her dream, she could see all the pictures. They were, however, really different from the dream, and also very different from Sara’s public profile. The latter was mostly filled with stuff from Sara’s first book, and a couple of pictures of interviews Sara’s been to - which Ava could never bring herself to watch. But this private profile was mostly just landscapes of places Sara had hiked to, or nice architecture around Central City, and more recently, Star City. Ava knew. She knew Sara was living in Star City, but now that she had evidence, she pretended not to feel her heart leap. She started scrolling down the pictures until she found one of Sara sitting with Mick and Charlie from a couple of years ago. Under the picture Sara wrote “I have known these assholes for too long if you ask me”. Ava bit her lip as she looked at those same blue eyes, now a little harder than they used to be, the freckles hidden under a light foundation layer, the hair - now out of the pigtails, styled in curves around her face, her chin dimple still there. She was breathtaking. Ava couldn’t tell how long she stared at the picture, comfortable in being able to look at Sara without reservation, her thumb pressing down the screen so the phone wouldn’t lock. 

Suddenly Amaya stirred in her sleep, and Ava was so concentrated on Sara’s face that she jumped a little, her phone dropping to the floor. She froze. “ _Oh no_ ”, she thought. Her thumb had been on the screen and she felt that maybe, _maybe_ she could have double tapped it - but she wasn’t sure. She stared at the phone there, laying face down on the floor, and contemplated leaving it there forever and moving into the woods. She took a deep breath when she remembered she was terrified of spiders, picked up the phone to see that she had, in fact, accidentally liked Sara’s picture from two years ago. Her mind went totally blank for ten seconds, until she panic-unliked the picture and prayed that on a Saturday evening Sara would be doing something better than staring at her own phone. She locked her phone and let it drop on the floor again, head falling to her hands. She could feel herself giving into the feeling of discomfort and anxiety, so she sat there, trying to focus on Amaya’s soft breathing behind her. 

\---

The next day she woke up slowly, enjoying the feeling of being able to stay in bed without worrying over deadlines. On the previous night she had pretty much convinced herself that Sara hadn’t seen anything and she hadn’t been caught. She got up and carried on with her Sunday routine as usual. 

She was walking around her house, a mug of steaming black coffee in hand, trying to get used to the absence of boxes, when she found a couple of things she and Amaya had bought in the corner of the living room. She sat down and starting going through them, until she saw a couple of really cute picture frames she didn’t remember buying. There was a little note stuck to one of them.

Hey asshole,

I want to say that I don’t condone your habit of living in the past. But since you’re doing it anyway, maybe these picture frames will help you focus on the good memories.

Happy early birthday, I really didn’t want to wait until after we came home from Thanksgiving to give you these.

I love you!

P.s.: If next time I come to your house there isn’t a picture of me in one of these I’m gonna punch you.

Ava smiled and texted a thank you to Amaya, and decided to put her awesome gift to use, arranging some pictures and putting them in her living room wall. Her exploration through the picture boxes left her feeling nostalgic, but in a good way. Seeing Sara in the pictures wasn’t hard, because Ava had expected to see her. In fact, along with pictures of her travelling, with her parents, and obviously with Amaya, she even selected a picture of her and Sara to put on the wall. They were maybe 13 years old, Ava was wearing a pink dress and looked extremely frustrated about it and Sara was standing next to her, wearing a navy blue dress, looking at her and smiling. They were on their way to a neighbor wedding, and Ava remembered it was one of those events that would have been hell had Sara not been there. By the time she was finished, her apartment felt a little more like home. She was putting away all the other pictures that hadn’t gone on the wall when she noticed an old piece of paper on the bottom of the box.

It was a childish drawing of two girls fighting pirates. “Adventures of Sara and Ava” was written on it. The date was from roughly 20 years ago. Ava smiled fondly at the drawing, and it felt almost mean to store it in a box. She put it in the small drawer of the bedside table she and Amaya had brought home. She slept peacefully that night.

\----

Monday rolled in and Ava received a package in her house from the newspaper, and she knew it was the book she had to review this week. She left the package unopened while she organized the house a bit, until Gideon sent her an email with the authors information. Ava got confused with her notifications for a moment because she didn’t… she couldn’t.... Sara’s name was on the email. Ava rushed to the package to find two books, and there it was - Sara’s second book, along with a memoir of some kind, that she instantly ignored. It had Sara’s name on the cover and her picture on the back. 

Ava was dumbfounded, staring at the book. She opened Gideon’s email and all of Sara’s and the other author’s information were there, along with info on Sara’s first book. Ava quickly typed a reply asking if she could review just the memoir and send the _other_ book for someone else to review. She sat for what must have been 10 minutes with Sara’s book in her hands, feeling like she was invading Sara’s privacy, like she was listening to a conversation that didn’t concern her. 

She was brought back by her phone ringing, and a mildly angry Gideon was on the other side. “Ava, I sent you two books because the memoir is only 200 pages long. I simply cannot reorganize everything to send Lance’s book to someone else. I’m going to need a really good reason to go through all this trouble, can you give me one?” 

Ava pinched the back of her neck “I…-I don’t really like fiction?” 

“This better be a joke Ava. You have until next Monday.”

They hung up and Ava put both the phone and the book on her desk and got up, not really knowing what to do. She sat down on the floor to try to calm down and follow a logical train of thought. “ _I can’t ditch the commission. To do the commission I have to read the book, there’s no way around it. So I’m just going to suck it up and read the fucking book and I’m going to write the best written review the newspaper has ever seen_ ” she thought. Those thoughts alone were enough to put her into full work mode, and she spent the entire day reading. The entire day turned into an entire week of alternating between the two books, making notes and studying references. Amaya eventually stopped by to make sure she was alive, but Ava barely gave her any attention, and Amaya knew her enough to just leave her be.

When the following Monday came along, she had both her reviews done and she felt the trance she’d put herself in slowly slipping away. She was pretty pleased with the memoir review, considering she admittedly hadn’t given the book much attention. She re-read her review of Sara’s book, and it felt almost like a love letter. The book was excellent, Ava couldn’t argue with that, but the tone was just too _fond_. It was still a solid, professional, well written, fair review, and it would be published under a different name, so she decided to send it like it was. It was Monday afternoon and she felt like she could breathe again after seven days.

She got up from her desk and found her newly furnished and decorated apartment was a complete and total mess, so she started cleaning up and went out to grab some groceries. When she was coming back home Gideon called her.

“So, I read your reviews and I think they fit perfectly to our section. Ava, if you’re willing to continue writing for diverse sections, we would like to offer you an exclusivity contract.” Gideon announced.

Ava was caught by surprised “Oh wow! I’m happy you like my work, and I’d be willing to participate on other sections as long as my name only appears on politics and finance, as we discussed.”

“We can work with that”

“Also, if I’m to be exclusive, I’ll need an upgrade on my fees. I’m sure you understand.”

“Absolutely. Send us a proposal and we’ll go over it. Now that that’s out of the way, can you send us a quick article on the president’s latest tweets?”

They negotiated a deadline and the transition fees for the article and by the time Ava got home they had already hung up. She spent the rest of Monday and Tuesday working on her new contract and on the piece about the tweets, and by Wednesday morning she was free. 

She grabbed her phone to pay real attention to it for the first time in over a week, roaming through texts she had ignored, and called Amaya briefly to arrange what time they were leaving the city for Thanksgiving. As soon as that was settled, Ava started packing a couple of clothes for the long weekend at her parents.

When she was done, she had half an hour before Amaya got there, so she went on Instagram, mindlessly deciding to check her messages on the app. The familiar feeling of anxiety took in when she saw that one of the messages had a beaming 7-year-old Sara as the profile picture and the text “hey” next to it. Sent a couple of days ago.

Ava didn’t even know how to process that text. She stared at the three letters until her vision went blurry. 

_They are both 18, sitting at a park bench, silent hovering all around. It is just before a summer storm, when the birds stop singing and everything feels like it’s holding its breath. After Charlie and Amaya started going to the same school as them it was rare to have a moment alone, together. Ava hadn’t known what to do with her feelings towards Sara ever since she was 15 and finally figured out that it wasn’t just friendship. So when Amaya and Charlie came on the following year, she just followed Amaya around, mostly to try and stop thinking about Sara. For years she danced around Sara, confused by the push and pull of her own mind. Today, while Ava was jogging, she saw Sara alone, sitting on a bench and looking at the grass. She looked so small that Ava almost didn’t recognize her. Ava stopped running, and looked around to see if maybe Sara was waiting for someone. Not seeing anyone, Ava stepped closer and sat beside Sara, not saying anything. They are just sitting on this park bench, by themselves. Sara is so deep in thought that it takes her a couple of seconds to notice Ava by her side. She looks up, her blue eyes seem to reflect the sadness of the storm to come. Ava doesn’t say anything, she can’t bring herself to say anything, she just looks. Sara breathes out “Dad’s out on a dangerous mission”. Ava nods and schootches closer, reaching to hold Sara’s hand, just like when they were kids. They sit like that for a couple of minutes, Sara sniffling softly and Ava running her thumb over Sara’s knuckles. Ava can feel Sara relaxing a bit. They sit quietly for a couple of minutes, hearing the thunders getting closer. Sara looks up at Ava and asks “Why did you pull away?”. Ava’s heart sinks. “I’m still holding your hand” Ava answers, but she knows that’s not what Sara meant. “You know that’s not what I mean”. Ava sighs and lowers her eyes, feeling Sara’s blues too intense to hold. “Sara, I think you know why” Ava whispers. She can’t find it in herself to lie to Sara, never could. Ava looks up slowly to Sara, all of her heart in riot, her lungs struggling to breathe. In that moment she wants nothing from Sara, just to sit next to her and have unconditional permission to keep looking at her. “What if I want to hear you say it?” Sara says quietly, eyes still fixed on Ava’s face. Ava feels trapped, wants to get up and walk away, wants to be alone in her room like she is most days. She searches for words but nothing seems to come out of her mouth. They’re side by side, looking into each other. They haven’t been this close since they were kids, and the tone is certainly very different. Ava has goosebumps all over her arms, and her brain is screaming at her and she thinks of all the beautiful moments she shared with Sara, that she cherishes more than anything she owns, and her brain is going into overdrive. Sara is looking at her entire face. They are much closer than Ava remembered being a minute ago. Ava just leans in, without thinking. Such a small movement she almost hasn’t moved at all. She only realizes what she did when she feels the softest of lips touching her own._

When Amaya texted her to come down, she could almost feel her lips tingling like they did after she kissed Sara.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo what do you guys think?
> 
> Next chapter we'll get plenty of Avalance interaction :)
> 
> Have a good week everyone and stay safe.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone :)
> 
> We last saw Ava remembering a park bench interaction with Sara *wiggles eyebrows*  
> Ava's parents' names inspiration came from About Time, one of my favorite movies.
> 
> Enjoy!  
> p.s.: This is not as edited as I would have liked, so I apologize for any problems.

She tried to strike up conversation with Amaya on the drive but she was too distracted. Amaya must have noticed, because she said Ava could take a nap if she wanted. Ava wasn’t going to sleep, but it was a nice way of being quiet and closing her eyes.

_She pulls back from the kiss, eyes wide in terror of what she’s just done, and Sara’s eyes are still closed, their hands are still linked. Ava drops Sara’s hand slowly, because she doesn’t really want to. In front of her is her best friend, the person who knows her like she knows herself, and in the brief seconds between the kiss and Sara opening her eyes, Ava feels all the feelings that she bottled up emerging to the surface, and she has to push back tears. The polarizing forces in her, of wanting her relationship with Sara to never change, but also wanting it to change completely, causing her head to spin. Sara opens her eyes and Ava sees nothing there, and it hits her - by kissing Sara she made real the possibility of not having any kind of relationship with Sara. Sara opens her mouth to say something and Ava can’t - she just cannot actively listen to Sara reject her. So she mumbles something about the storm coming and literally runs home. She hits the door as the first drops start to fall._

Amaya dropped her off at her parents and drove away, asking her to call if she needed anything, eyeing her with concern. It was late, and her parents were fussing over her and giving her hugs, taking her luggage, talking her ear off. It felt good, all the attention and conversation pulling her away from her head, but soon she was exhausted. It was the first time in ages she went back home, her parents usually prefered to go out of town for the holidays. Occasionally her mind slipped to the house next door, wondering if the Lances would spend Thanksgiving there or in Central City, where Sara’s mom still lived - according to Ava’s dad.

\---

Thanksgiving in the Sharpes was fairly simple. It was just the three of them, her grandparents long gone, aunts and uncles living too far. So she spent the day talking to her parents, helping out, and wandering around in her childhood home. She couldn’t help but notice that the front lawn didn’t hold the same colors as she remembered, looking rather pale in the autumn sun.

They’d finished dinner and she and her mom were watching TV while her dad went about the dishes. They exchanged a few words until the episode ended, sounds of pots and pans coming from the kitchen. It was soothing and familiar. Her mom, Mary, was very much like herself, quiet and closed off, whereas her dad, James, was a bit more open and liked to crack jokes. Both of them were big on respecting Ava’s privacy, and letting her make her own decisions. They complimented each other very well, and Ava had great relationships with both. Ava’s mom turned to her, her face bare of any judgement or concern, just love in her eyes. 

“What’s wrong baby?” Mary asked quietly. 

Ava sighed, her mom had always been like this. When she was 15 and started to understand how she truly felt about Sara, Ava’s mom had walked into her room one late afternoon to find Ava laying down on her side, eyes lost in space. She had laid down next to Ava and held her tightly, not saying anything, fingers running through her hair, humming quietly a song from Ava’s childhood. Mary had sensed she was confused and lonely somehow. Ava fell asleep on her mom’s shoulder that night.

“Mom, I’m not sure I’m ready to talk about it.”

“Ava, if this is still about Sara” Ava winced involuntarily, not expecting her mom to be so straightforward. The action only confirmed Mary’s suspicions “then you _have_ to talk about it. You don’t have to say anything to me, but from where I’m sitting, you’ve loved her since you can remember yourself as a person. She has been a part of you since you’re you, perhaps even before that. You know, we liked to arrange play dates before either of you could walk or talk.” 

Ava had her eyes down, unable to face her mom. The fact that her mom had been able to voice her own feelings better than she could have herself left her flabbergasted. Her mom lowered her voice “Honey, do you have any idea how beautiful that is? How special, how rare? It’s nothing to be ashamed of. I don’t know what happened between the two of you, but if I were you, I wouldn’t waste any time stuck to the past.” 

Ava was holding back tears at this point, and noticed her dad was not making any noise in the kitchen. “Baby, have you read her first book?” Mary asked. 

Ava replied quietly “Yeah, the one about Vikings and stuff”. 

“No baby, that’s her second book. Her first book is about pirates” her mom chuckled as if the idea of pirates was very amusing to her. Ava looked puzzled, because she was sure Sara’s first book was about Vikings, and heroes traveling through time on a timeship called Waverider. That was even the name of the book. 

“You haven’t read that?” Ava shook her head. She was trying to figure out how she had never heard of it, not even through Amaya, when her mom said. “She wrote it under a different name. I think she was testing the waters for her stories before putting her real name on the line. She wrote it under Charlotte Summers.” 

The name hit Ava like a brick. The fact that Sara had used her middle name to publish her first book sent Ava’s heart into a frenzy. Part of her simply didn’t believe it, so she was left staring blankly at her mom, her dad now leaning into the doorway and observing the conversation. He approached her with a book in his hand and handed it to her. “We think maybe you should give it a read” he said, a small smile in his face. 

Still feeling like she was dreaming, or that her parents had made a mistake, she took the book, mumbled a quiet thank you and went to her childhood room for the night.

She sat on her bed and stared at the book. The name “Charlotte Summers” looked back at her. There was no author picture. She opened the book carefully, as if it was going to bite her back. There was a handwritten note on the first page, in beautiful handwriting:

To the Sharpes,

Thank you for being part of my family.

Ava swallowed heavily. On the following pages, she read the printed acknowledgements:

To my best friend.

I thought you had already given me everything I could dream of. Then you gave me this story and this name.

Ava felt like her heart was about to break her ribs. She could barely hear her own thoughts. She closed her eyes, rubbed them, took a deep breath, and read again. It still said the same thing. She felt tears in her eyes. Her head was swimming in questions of Sara’s forgiveness for the kiss, to the regret of running away that she had carried with her for so long, to wondering if she was reading too much into this. She felt tears streaming down her cheeks when she closed her eyes once again.

_She closes the door to the storm behind her. Her mom sees her coming in, and before Mary can say anything Ava begs her not to let Sara in if she knocked. She locks herself in her room for the rest of the day. She’s on summer break right before college, and on the following days, she doesn’t find it in herself to return Sara’s calls or to leave the house. She knows Sara, she’s too honest, too open about everything, so Ava’s sure that Sara wants to talk, to make it clear that she doesn’t feel the same, and that maybe they should each go their own way. So Ava just stays inside, thinking about Sara and thinking about their kiss. By the time she leaves for Yale, she has completely shut Sara out from her life, from sheer panic of being rejected._

She decided to text Amaya. 

> **Ava**
> 
> Hey, have you ever read a book from Charlotte Summers?
> 
> **Amaya**
> 
> Doesn’t ring a bell, no. New commission?
> 
> Doesn’t sound like a real name though.
> 
> **Ava**
> 
> That’s because it isn’t.
> 
> **Amaya**
> 
> What?
> 
> Oh.
> 
> Oooooooooooh.
> 
> Ava, what is it about?
> 
> **Ava**
> 
> Pirates…?
> 
> **Amaya**
> 
> Does it have some sort of time traveling involved?
> 
> **Ava**
> 
> Probably.
> 
> **Amaya**
> 
> Do you wanna talk about it?

Ava sends her a picture of the acknowledgements.

> **Amaya**
> 
> Ava…
> 
> **Ava**
> 
> I know.
> 
> **Amaya**
> 
> Do you wanna call me?
> 
> **Ava**
> 
> Not right now. Call me tomorrow?
> 
> **Amaya**
> 
> Sure. Anytime you need.

She tried to read the first paragraph but it was in vain. She felt like her mind was in complete overdrive.

 _Ava is 20, and she and Amaya have been much closer now that both go to Yale. Ava hasn’t told Amaya about Sara yet. She carries a sense of shame, now that she has matured a bit more, of having closed Sara_ _off_ _s_ _o completely. She had time to digest the idea that the least she could do, after kissing her childhood best friend, was give her the chance of saying something. She regrets not staying on that park bench, and not answering Sara’s calls, or trying to get in touch a few months after it happened. She can only imagine that by now Sara’s has either totally forgot about her crazy love-struck neighbor or she hated Ava for having abused their friendship, in an special vulnerable moment for Sara, to kiss her. In both scenarios Ava imagines that Sara would prefer to never see her again. Ava lives with the idea that she has completely screwed up, and she is just thankful that she can probably make up for this mess by making sure that Sara indeed never sees her again. Like she never really existed._

_Ava is tossing and turning in bed, thinking about all this, letting her mind drift to how kissing Sara had felt like, when Amaya calls her. It’s weird because it’s late, and Amaya never does this. “Hey, you all right?”._

_“Yeah” but she can hear that something is wrong. “Ava, I need to tell you something, and it’s going to hurt.”_

_Ava sits up, panic already rising to her chest. “What is it?”_

_Amaya pauses for what feels like hours. “Ava, Laurel is dead.”_

_Ava can’t feel the bed underneath her. Her hand comes to her forehead as the room starts to spin. Somewhere on the background Amaya is still talking “... had been chasing him for the past two years, and he just came to her and asked if she was Miss Lance. When she said yes he shot her and left.”_

_Ava is dizzy and nauseous, and she thinks about Sara and how her relationship with Laurel had always been amazing, how they had always been so close. She thinks about the two long years she hasn’t talked to Sara, watching her from afar, getting “unsolicited” news from Amaya._

_“When is the service?” Amaya gives her all the information she knows and goes quiet._

_“How’s…” Ava trails off._

_“She’s in shock. She’s on her way back home as we speak, but Charlie couldn’t figure out much. I mean, I can’t even begin to fathom…”_

_Ava stops listening as she feels her heart break for Sara._

_“Ava?”_

_“Yeah, I’m here”_

_“So, are you going?”_

_“What?”_

_“To the service, Ava.”_

_“Oh, God, I don’t know. Mom and dad are going though, for sure.”_

_“Yeah, but what about you?”_

_“I don’t know Amaya. I have to go now”. She doesn’t wait for Amaya to say goodbye before she hangs up._

Ava came back to the present when she heard a soft knock on her door. Her mom came in when she replied.

“I just wanted to check on you baby. What have you read so far?”

“Just the acknowledgements…”

“It’s a lot, isn’t it?”

“It is… Why didn’t you tell me then? Why now?” 

“It was not really my place. But now I think you have the right to know.”

“I don’t feel like I deserve this.” Ava said, lowering her eyes to the book.

“What do you mean baby?”

“After Laurel died, I didn’t even come here to the service. Did you know that Amaya told me Sara hugged her said ‘She isn’t here Amaya. She didn’t come’. After Amaya told me this I felt like the worst person to have ever lived. How could I not come? How could I not pay my respects to Laurel? Sara must have been so disappointed in me.”

“I never really understood why you didn’t come baby. Do you want to talk about it?”’

Ava shook her head, but she knew that her mom wouldn’t leave, not in the state she was in. They just sat there quietly, Mary running her thumb on the stretch of skin between Ava’s jeans and her sneakers. As she her heart calmed down she felt extremely tired, like the entire 10 years she had spent running away from all of _this_ had finally caught up to her. Ava just started spilling out everything, all the feelings, the teenage confusion, the early-twenties regret.

“At the time it felt like she wouldn’t want me there. I couldn’t force her to see me in the most painful moment of her life, not after I kissed her and then shut her off completely. It took me so long to recover from the idea that, in addition to everything, she was disappointed in me.”

Mary said nothing. Instead she mirrored her actions from almost 15 years ago, and just laid down next to Ava, stroking her hair, until she fell asleep.

\----

Ava woke up early and alone, the book on her bedside table, and she sighed. She did not want to deal with the book right away, so she went downstairs to make some coffee. The house was quiet, her parents still sleeping, and she decided to change into her running clothes while the coffee was brewing. 

Ava went out in the front lawn, hair in a messy high bun, coffee mug in hand. She was finishing her coffee while sitting on her parents porch steps when she saw movement out of the corner of her eye and automatically looked towards the Lances' household. Quentin was standing there, holding the day’s paper, looking shocked to see her. She gave him a tiny wave, not registering what seeing him could mean, and as he waved back he looked inside his house and said “Ava”. At the action, Ava’s heart started beating faster and she felt glued to where she was.

Sara came out of the house. Her hair was in a ponytail, locks falling from it, the blonde color shining in the morning sun. She was wearing pajama pants and a big fuzzy sweater, barefoot. Ava couldn’t breathe. 

She felt waves of happiness, regret, shame and affection, all at once. Sara’s eyes could still hold an entire universe each. They hadn’t seen each other in person since Ava kissed Sara, 10 years ago, and Ava’s eyes decided they were going to make up for lost time. Sara was looking back at her, her expression unreadable, and in the back of her mind Ava knew Quentin had gone back inside. Sara seemed to be as paralyzed as she was, until she looked at her feet and broke the spell between them.

Sara broke eye contact, and it helped Ava to find air again. She said a soft hi, her voice lower and rougher than she’d expected. She observed Sara as the smaller blonde dragged her eyes from the ground to the inside of the house, and from where Ava was sitting, it felt like Sara might just go back inside - but Sara moved her eyes back to her. This time, it was Ava who broke contact and looked at her own hands, trying to calm her heart. When she looked back up Sara was much closer, having moved to the middle of the Sharpe’s front yard. Sara whispered hi back to Ava, the morning sun all over her - suddenly all the colors Ava had been missing the day before were there again, yellow and orange undertones to everything around them. The colors were hers, like everything else in Ava’s mind. Like Ava herself. Everything belonged to Sara. Ava’s heart started beating even faster. 

“You ghosted me on Instagram after liking a two-year-old picture”. Sara said, half teasing.

“Sorry” Ava said, the text coming to mind for the first time since she had arrived at her parents’ house. She took her eyes back to her hands.

“No problem, you were busy writing a very good review for me”. 

Ava’s head shot back up “How did you know it was me?”

“I called the newspaper because I’d never heard of that journalist before. I wanted to send them a gift basket or whatever. Gideon said that whoever that person was, they only agreed to write under a pseudonym, because they usually wrote on a different section of the paper. I knew, then.” 

Ava let out a soft “Oh”, surprised that Gideon had actually maintained her anonymity. “It was well deserved” Ava said, her cheeks growing warm at the thought of the things she’d written. 

Silence fell between them again, and Sara moved to sit on the other end of the porch steps. 6 feet between them. They were both looking to the street, avoiding each other’s eyes. Ava wanted to ask her to sit closer so that she could run her fingers in Sara’s hair, see her own reflection in the most beautiful eyes that she had ever seen, smell what kind of shampoo Sara used, taste her lips again. Instead she said “So, speaking of pseudonyms, I actually just found out I haven’t read your first book”. 

She sensed Sara freezing next to her. “The one about Vikings?” 

“No, I read that one.” Ava said quietly, and Sara let out a big breath. Before either could say anything, Ava’s phone started ringing inside her hoodie’s pocket. 

“Ava…” Sara said so softly that Ava could almost feel her heart break a little. It suddenly became too much for Ava and she was going to make the same mistake from 10 years ago, on that stupid park bench. She was going to kiss Sara. She looked Sara in the eyes, and her gaze drifted down to Sara’s lips, and _oh god_ she had to stop herself.

“Sorry, I have to take this.” She didn’t. It was Amaya, calling because she had asked. Sara slowly nods and says “Can we please talk later? I need to talk to you.” 

Ava wanted to say no. She was already up, reaching for the door, brain scrambling for an excuse to turn Sara down and already thinking of coming back to Star City early so she could just _flee_. She caught herself falling into the same actions - actions that had caused so much regret, and she stopped herself, her hand on the door handle, her mom’s words from last night ringing in her ears. Sara was still looking at her, waiting for an answer. 

Ava took a deep breath. “You know what? They can wait” she said, as she ignored Amaya’s call. “Do you drink coffee?” It felt weird asking Sara’s preferences. Ava felt like she should know more. Ava wanted to know more. 

“Yeah.” 

“Do you want to come inside and have a cup?”

Sara gave her one of her open and genuine smiles, that made her eyes close a little and her nose wrinkle lightly. Ava had no idea how she was going to survive this talk.

They went inside together, running into Mary and James putting on coats and boots, mysteriously having to leave the house immediately. Sara hugged both of them, and when Ava closed the door for them she mouthed a ‘thank you’ to both.

They were alone in the house. Sara started moving towards the kitchen, the familiarity in which she went around the house making Ava’s heart squeeze in her chest. Sara pointed to the cabinet where the mugs were, silently asking if they were still there. Ava nodded, as she dumped her old cup in the sink. They both had warm mugs in their hands, and without saying anything they moved into the living room, sitting on the floor like they used to. It was all so natural and easy Ava only noticed what they had done after Sara looked around her and smiled.

“Sara, before you say what you have to say…”

“Mine is really quick, and I really want to say it before anything.” Sara said resolutely. 

Ava sighed “Shoot”. There was a coffee table between them, and they were face to face. Ava braced herself to hear what she had been running from for 10 years. This was it. She was really glad she was already sitting down.

Sara took her time. She looked at Ava’s entire face, her eyes seemed far. Her voice was just above a whisper when she said “I’ve missed you”.

At that Ava almost relaxed. She lived 10 years of her life making herself believe that Sara either forgot her or hated her, and it had hurt so much. At Sara’s words Ava heard that Sara held neither anger nor indifference, and she felt a weight being lifted. “Have you?” her voice came even quieter than Sara’s.

Sara nodded. “I think I still know you Ava. And I think what you wanted to say was that you’re sorry. Well, I don’t want you to be. It’s all water under the bridge. I just really wanted us to try and be friends. That’s what I wanted to say.” Sara’s eyes had a sadness in them that Ava wasn’t familiar with.

Ava nodded slowly, and felt like they made a silent pact to not bring any of the difficult stuff up. This could work. “I’d like that.”

Sara got up and offered her hand to Ava, so she got up too. Sara was still holding Ava’s hand when Sara pulled her into a hug, Ava’s brain mercifully slow in registering exactly what was going on. “I missed you too” Ava whispered. They pulled away and Ava shoved all the thoughts of how good Sara’s hair had smelled, how well their bodies had fit together, how soft Sara’s hand had felt against hers to the back of her mind.

They sat down on the floor again, and the conversation started to flow easily. Ava was impressed at how quickly they fell back into their old friendship tones of bantering and sarcasm. Ava’s parents came back several hours later and invited Sara to dinner. She accepted. On Saturday, Quentin invited Ava to dinner. She also accepted. Even though she now knew that Sara was single, and that Sara’s first book was essentially a love story between two friends, Ava hadn’t allowed her mind to go there. Amaya had laughed when she said that she was absolutely sure - although she was nothing of the sort - none of it meant anything.

Until Sunday, when Sara offered to drive Ava back to Star City. Ava couldn’t help but imagine Sara going up to her apartment, wandering through the now not-so-bare walls, smiling openly at her, her laughter filling all the empty corners. Ava imagined Sara’s smile against Ava’s skin. She imagined what it would be like to lift the hem of Sara’s shirt to feel the skin on Sara’s back. She imagined what it would be like to undress Sara slowly, and to run her lips on Sara’s lower belly. Her mouth was dry and her cheeks were a deep shade of pink when she accepted Sara’s offer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well well well, so there's that.
> 
> Next chapter we have Sara's pov!
> 
> Thank you everyone for your kudos and comments, I really appreciate them (really, I just giggle at all of them, it's embarrassing).  
> Stay safe and sane out there.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!
> 
> It's a holiday where I live today, so early update!  
> On this chapter we get to see Sara's pov on this whole ordeal.  
> Hope you enjoy.

Sara was leaning against her car, parked between her dad’s house and the Sharpes’ house, waiting for Ava to come out so they could go back to Star City. She was early, enjoying the sun and the quiet sounds of the suburbs. The whole situation that she saw herself in now felt both new and familiar. Sara didn’t know Ava anymore, how she took her coffee, what type of music she listened to - but whenever she looked at her, Sara felt like she had never stopped seeing her. It was like getting acquainted with something that was inherently part of her, and it felt strange and wonderful.

Sara was wearing a black tank top with fitted jeans and a thigh length houndstooth check coat, with combat boots. This morning she’d caught herself thinking which clothes would make Ava look at her like she had when Sara asked if she wanted to come back together to Star City. Nothing could have prepared her for how Ava’s incredible deep blue eyes had turned warm and dark, the blues going deeper and brighter, somehow. Sara had felt all the tiny hairs in her arms stand up, her heart race and her mouth go dry. She smiled at the memory, feeling something that could be butterflies.

Her mind started drifting as to how exactly she had arrived here, thinking that if someone had told her, three weeks ago, that she would be waiting for Ava outside her parents’ house, she would have snorted in disbelief. The weekend had gone by incredibly fast, and she had registered small moments like they were tiny gifts from Ava. The way her cheeks turned pink after they hugged, how her laugh bubbled up when Sara was being particularly annoying, how her face lighted up when she saw Sara. It made her reflect on their history together.

Sara had always kept diaries, since she can remember. As a child she had a very overactive imagination, so the diaries weren’t exactly non-fiction - which ended up suiting her just fine, because she would get great ideas for her books from her diaries. 

Her childhood diaries were an absolute journey. Super heroes, thieves, pirates, aliens, giants. And Ava. Ava was always by her side, sharing her adventures. 

Ava had been a quiet girl, always a little taller than her, hair a little darker. A steady presence, opposite to Sara’s chaotic nature, leading them away from big muddy puddles, not allowing Sara to cross the street, forcing Sara to do her homework before they started playing. Sara could always count on Ava to be there, protecting her, since she could remember.

One of her fondest memories was Ava in a pink sundress, a frown on her face because she didn't want to wear it, her long hair in a french braid. She can’t quite place the occasion, but they were around 12 or 13, and Sara remembered thinking for first time that Ava was absolutely _gorgeous_. The thought didn’t scare her, it just made her want to be closer to Ava, to make fun of her pretty pink dress, to make Ava laugh.

Around that same age, she remembered observing Ava around school, looking at older girls with curiosity in her eyes, and she’d understood, because she felt the same - but it was Ava she was looking at with curiosity those days. Sara had felt that somehow she had never really noticed how Ava’s dark blonde hair was always shining, and how the bun she liked to wear to school made her hair fall in deep waves when she would let it down. Sara had felt special to be able to see Ava’s hair down, her serious face changing when Sara made a joke, her eyes shining. She had these deep ocean eyes, mostly calm and serene, but capable of a huge storm. Sara had never noticed those things - but now it was all she seemed to notice.

She remembered someone’s birthday party, she must have been 15. She saw Ava talking to another girl and she felt this nasty feeling lodging itself in her chest. She wanted to be close to Ava, just as much as she wanted Ava to want to be close to her. So she tried her best to draw attention to herself, but Ava was so accustomed with her ways that she just looked at her and smiled, carrying on with her conversation. 

Sara had to take extreme measures, and decided to start a spin the bottle game, speaking loudly and commanding the room. She already knew she was charismatic, and wasn’t surprised when everyone followed her lead and sat down to play without question. Even Ava - who was sitting next to the girl she’d been talking to, Nyssa. Sara was more or less facing them when it was her turn to spin the bottle, and she did it hoping that it would point to Ava. She was so wrapped in the thought that she didn’t fully register what it meant. The bottle spun for what felt like too long, until it stopped, pointing to Nyssa. 

Not one to back away from a challenge, Sara leaned over and gave Nyssa a quick kiss. It was her first, but she didn't want to give it away, so she sat back down grinning with a smug face. Sara looked at Ava in time to see the tall girl looking at her with an expression Sara couldn’t read, then averting her gaze down at her hands, a deep frown on her face. The game continued among their friends, but Sara couldn’t stop looking at Ava - she looked absolutely engaged in observing her own palms until she looked up, straight into Sara's eyes and said she had to go. Sara said they still had a couple of minutes until they had to go back home. “You don’t have to come” were Ava’s words. Sara didn’t know how it was supposed to sound, but it hurt her a little. 

She watched Ava go, thinking that it was the opposite of what she’d wanted. She felt the urge to go after her, hug her and apologize, but she stayed in place, not knowing really what to apologize for. 

After that Ava grew even quieter around her, but she was still always there. The years brought the twins into their lives, and also Mick. Sara watched as Ava seemed to always be around Amaya, getting further and further from her. The void Ava’s absence left drew her closer to Charlie and Mick, and the three of them were always getting into some kind of trouble. Nothing too serious, and Sara’s charm could almost always get them off the hook for whatever they did.

She wasn’t happy with the distance - again she saw life unfolding in the opposite direction that she’d wanted. It had been hurtful and frustrating, but then Sara grew to understand that Ava - smart, dedicated, driven, kind, gorgeous Ava, would want to be around someone like Amaya, and not her. She got great grades in English and History, but Ava was top in all of her classes. Sara felt, at the height of her seventeen years of existence, that she had nothing interesting to say, while Ava was well read, and could hold long conversations even with adults. 

Sara kissed more girls, some boys, and she liked it - but she had expected to feel something closer to what she felt when she thought the bottle would stop on Ava. 

And then the storm happened. 

Sara had been so anxious, a turmoil of feelings for this new mission her dad was on. He’d left the house and kissed the top of her and her sister’s heads like it could be the last time. Thinking about it now was even more painful, because it felt like the beginning of an end. 

She had been suffocating in the house, so even though she could see the storm coming she went to the park. She was sitting there trying to convince herself that it would be ok, when she noticed Ava. It was almost like she had materialized there, in full Ava style - serious, steady and strong. It was so familiar that Sara started to relax. 

She’d missed this so much, so she had to ask. She had been secretly terrified that she’d done something wrong that pushed Ava away, but Ava’s eyes held storm in them. There were depths there that Sara hadn’t seen before, and just like a storm, it pulled her in. She felt herself physically closer to Ava than before, and it felt right, it felt so much more than all the other kisses already. 

So she closed the distance between them, barely moving. Ava’s hand felt cold against hers, Ava's lips tasted sweet, and Sara was floating - she had goosebumps all over, her heart in frenzy, her thoughts gone. It was the most amazing thing Sara had ever felt, and her brain was still not catching up - all her mind in a shocked blank. She had kissed Ava and in her heart a piece finally fit the puzzle when she understood just how deep her feelings ran for the girl. She couldn’t muster up any reaction, and she tried to apologize for having kissed Ava, but she ran away. 

She repeatedly tried to talk to Ava, trying to apologize, but it came to nothing. Every time Mary’s apologetic eyes told her that Ava wasn’t feeling like company or couldn’t come to the phone, she saw herself back on that day, standing on the Sharpes’ front yard, dripping with rain, the storm all around her. Eventually, she felt like life had worked its ways - and put an infinite distance between her and Ava. 

College did wonders for her self esteem, and she grew to love herself more, the feelings she’d had of inadequacy were mostly gone. She would constantly think about Ava, and how even though her opinion of herself had improved, her opinion of Ava had never faltered. She could bet Ava was still interesting, smart, funny and breathtaking. She preferred not to think about it too often - they grew fully apart, and Sara couldn’t bring herself to reach out. She’d tried so many times when they were younger, she figured Ava should be the one to reach out and end the silent treatment. The fact she never did made Sara kind of mad.

Sara stirred a bit on the car hood. Her train of thought had led her to the most painful time of her life. Laurel’s death was not as much of a fresh wound as it used to be, but it still wasn’t comfortable to think about. 

She had been on her dorm when she got the call. Her diaries from those times were still on her dad’s basement, pages full of dark pain and anger. She didn’t remember much from that time, and the diaries didn’t really help, but she remembered the overwhelming grief - and Ava’s absence. Not just on Laurel’s service, but all the time. The void she had carried ever since high school grew heavier, and she felt Ava’s absence almost as much as she felt other people’s unnecessary and unnerving presence. Dealing with her grief was already hard enough, that void made it even harder. She understood that Ava might have been mad at being kissed, and she understood maybe Ava didn’t think about her anymore, but she was _mad_ at Ava for not showing up. She was furious that Ava couldn’t be there for her, and she felt worse for feeling furious.

It just spiraled her even further, until she dropped out of Central City University and started bartending. Nights were easier to deal with and she made enough money to survive. She would put all of her sadness and frustration in the gym and on the occasional bar fight. Mick was living in Central City too, and she could always count on him as company for unhealthy coping mechanisms.

She was 25 when she dreamt of Ava. Five years had gone by since Laurel’s death, and she didn’t feel as angry as before - she just felt sad and lonely all the time. But the dream had been like a beacon of light - she woke up feeling better than she had in years. The dream had been very similar to one of her childhood diary entries: a pirate adventure she and Ava had gone to. It was a mixture of what had really happened - the two girls jumping around and playing on Ava’s pool, and some dream-like interventions of pirates that may have been a few regulars from the bar.

She went to work but the dream kept bugging her. So when she arrived home she started writing about the dream, and once she started she couldn’t stop. She would take notebooks to the bar, and she would write on her breaks and whenever she had a couple of minutes free. All of her anger and pain, and all the reasons behind those strong feelings started to come out on paper. She couldn’t focus on anything else, she was constantly having ideas for the book plot, re-reading, editing, building brick by brick what would become her first book.

That book meant so much to her. She remembered, once she finished it, looking and her computer screen not knowing what to do with it. It was too much, the book was too _intimate_. Writing it had made her realize that yes, she still resented Ava, but the feelings from the storm night were still very much there - both in her heart and in her book.

Sure, it had pirates and time traveling, but the real plot was a love story, it was all that could have been, and she wasn’t ready to have that out there. She had been thinking about this at work one night, visibly distracted, when a regular asked her if she was ok. “I wrote a book, but I’m not ready for people to see so much of me out there.” 

Rip, the customer, said “You could change your name. Then the story is out there but you’re detached from it.” 

“That’s actually a pretty solid idea” Sara pondered. 

“Look, I have some friends that have some contacts on the publishing world. I could make a few phone calls. But first, can I read it?” Sara hesitated. “Look, I’m not going to pull these contacts until I know it’s worth it. You’re very smart, but writing a book it hard.” Sara agreed and sent him the book that same night.

One week later Rip showed up with a card “Call this number first thing tomorrow. Tell them I sent you.”

She worked out the contract and between edits and working further on it, Sara found herself one day thinking about what name she’d use. It came to her so naturally it brought a smile to her face. She tried to think about Ava reading it and the thought actually gave her butterflies. The book had allowed her to see that Ava was for her, still, what she had always been - a buoy in Sara’s agitated seas. Steady, reliable, safe. Sara had already given up on removing Ava from her brain - even though part of her still thought that Ava didn’t fully deserve to be there. 

The book came out, and it felt like her whole heart was out on display. She’d never felt more vulnerable. The reviews were scarce, but overall positive - which surprised her, given that she couldn’t do any publicity for it. She wanted to tell Laurel, but thinking about it was painful, so she told her dad. He got super excited for her, interested in all aspects of it, seeming prouder than ever. His reaction allowed her to relax in her accomplishment, and she felt good about herself. She went home after leaving him with a copy. 

A few weeks later she got an email from Mary and James Sharpe. They had always kept in touch, so Sara didn’t think much of it. They never asked her about her life, but always made themselves available to her. It was nice.

Sara,

How are you dear? We miss you immensely!

Your dad was over a few days ago, and we started talking about you and how much your dad is proud of you for overcoming everything you have. We'd had a couple of glasses of wine, so he told us something that maybe he didn’t have authorization to. He told us you wrote a book, and he let us borrow his copy. We have both read it.

May I just say, Sara, how proud we are of you. I’m not a big reader of fiction, but I was glued to your book for three days, until I finished it. It’s very well written, and I’m so glad you (according to your father) seem to enjoy writing.

If that’s ok with you, we wanted to buy a copy for our home library. I realize how private this book is, so we wanted to ask permission first. Don’t be embarrassed to say no, me and Mary would completely understand (she’s next to me nodding).

Hope you are doing well. You should be proud of yourself dear. We certainly are.

We’re here whenever you need us.

Mary and James.

She was sure that if she said no, they wouldn’t buy the book and would forever drop the subject, and not even bat an eye. She was also sure that they hadn’t talked to Ava about this, because that was just not them.

So she took a copy of the book she had lying around and opened it to write a small note for them. She started imagining the book in their living room, where the bookshelves were. She could almost see, the room so familiar it was almost her own. She pictured Ava getting up from the couch to choose a book to read. She’d seen her do it so many times, it was hardly imagining. Ava would pick up her book, with her name on it, dedicated to her. Everything Sara owned, hers. So she wrote the utmost truth of her heart. The Sharpes, all three of them, had always been part of her, part of her family. She wouldn’t change it for the world.

The book hit mild success, and she continued bartending and writing. It was almost as if the first book had opened the gates of her childhood creativity, and she was always in corners, writing or reading. Her second book was the first she published with her own name, and when she sent it to the publisher, she already had half of the sequel typed on her computer, the story having flowed out of her. 

The publishing company paid her good money for the book, and wanted her to move to Star City, because most of the marketing events happened there. Since Sara was using her name, she could show up more to these things, help increase the sales. The only thing she had in Central City was her mom, and she hardly ever saw her, so she decided to go for it. Even Mick had moved to Star City around the time her first book came out. 

She’d been living in Star City for around a year, and even though Ava was always in the back of her mind, she never reached out for her because… well, Ava would have searched for her if she wanted to talk. Right? Charlie had been feeding her news on Ava since they were in college, but it was all very superficial. So she left Ava alone, like apparently she wanted to be. 

Sara chuckled when she remembered the last couple of weeks. They’d been… odd. A series of odd events had been happening and she hadn’t known what to make of them. Ava requested to follow her on Instagram on a very late Friday night. Was she drunk? And why was she on Sara's page while drunk? Sara had mentally shook herself and reflected that that’s exactly what she’d been saying to herself - Ava would reach out. But they’d been mutuals for the entire day of Saturday and Ava said nothing. She’d been on her phone when she saw the notification for Ava liking a picture. A two year old picture. She actually laughed out loud when Ava’s handle disappeared from the like list - now she had to say something, there was no way Ava would stalk her like that and say nothing. 

But the entire week had gone by and nothing came her way. She had been sort of busy herself, the book was being sent out to be reviewed, so she was writing personalized letters and sending gift baskets and doing small interviews - the book was gonna come out in time for Christmas shopping, so the publishing company was really pushing for public appearances. On the weekend she’d had a bit too much to drink and sent a hey to Ava after scrutinizing all of her pictures. She looked so good it should be criminal. She had sort of regretted sending the text, it went against her internal policy of waiting for Ava to come talk to her. But even then she’d got no reply and -- well, she was annoyed. It kind of made her remember the resentment she still carried towards Ava. It was uncomfortable. 

Star City’s newspaper review had come out just before Thanksgiving, and it was… generous. It was flattering, kind almost. It was loving somehow. When she figured out it had been Ava, she decided to give up understanding what the hell was going on and decided to straight up ask what was up. She would go to her dad’s house for the holidays, and on Ava’s birthday she would send a more elaborate text. Yes. She would insist. She wouldn’t take no for an answer. Or take no answer for an answer.

And unexpectedly, she’d seen her. Her hair was in a high bun, an obscene amount of neck showing soft skin, her deep ocean eyes staring directly into her, her pink lips slightly apart in shock.

Just like that it had all washed away. She could almost physically feel those heavy feelings leaving her chest - she thought she might cry, and she couldn’t hold Ava’s gaze anymore. She looked inside the house and her dad had been signaling her to go on and talk to her, and it gave her the courage she needed.

They’d talked, and Ava had blushed, and it made Sara want to straddle her legs and cup her cheeks. Instead she sat on the far end of the porch steps, a little closer, but not nearly as close as she’d wanted. 

Ava knew about her first book, the one about _them_ and Ava was looking at her like _that_ , taking in her entire face, stopping for a beat too long on her lips. Sara saw no reason to keep this up, she just needed to talk. When Ava invited her in, it felt like acceptance, it felt like the opposite of what the park bench had felt, and Sara was over the moon.

It was all so natural and fluid around Ava that she felt she was in her own home on the living room floor, looking at Ava’s face in a much more direct, and closer way. It was the first time she noticed how _sorry_ Ava looked. It felt like it ran deep, like she had so much regret it ate at her daily. Sara didn’t need apologies anymore - her absence had been forgiven as soon as Sara saw herself in her presence again. 

She took this thought in, letting it sink in how much she had missed Ava. She looked at the face she still knew so well and noticed the new little lines, her mind taking her to places far beyond the moment’s possibilities. She missed this face so much. She missed this feeling of grounding, of comfort and safety, so so much. So she said so, and that was what made it.

Ava’s shoulders dropped and the lines in her face were not so deep anymore. She kept surprising Sara as to how beautiful she was every passing moment. 

She was thinking of Laurel and her own grief when she told Ava all was forgiven, and it felt freeing. She was still thinking of how the rest of the weekend had had this freeing tone for her, how she’d felt more like herself than she could remember feeling in her adult life when Ava came out of the house.

Ava came out of the house wearing tight black jeans, a loose grey sheer ribbed turtleneck with a black sports bra underneath, and white sneakers. Her hair was down, flowing freely on her back and over her shoulders. Sara had no idea how she was supposed to survive the drive if she had suddenly lost the ability to breathe.

\---

The drive was mostly done in comfortable silence. Sara couldn’t help but to steal looks at Ava - she was almost glowing in the soft autumn sun. The sight made her heart flutter and it made her head swim in possibilities. She had to ask “Have you finished the book?”. 

She could hear Ava take a deep breath. “I might have” she said under her breath.

They grew silent again, the air growing thicker between them as Sara thought of something to say. 

“I have so many regrets Sara” Ava breathed out. Sara peaked at her and she was in a deep frown. Sara laughed a little, and Ava looked surprised at the sound. 

“I mean, _you_ have regrets?! I kissed you and caused all the shit show the last 10 years have been”. Ava was dead silent so Sara peaked at her again, and Ava’s jaw could hit the floor. 

“Sara… I kissed you” Ava said.

“What?! That’s not what happened”

“Sara I have thought about that day every single day for the past ten years so I think I know what I’m talking about.” Ava’s voice was hard and Sara was so taken aback by the strain in her voice she went quiet. They stayed silent for a couple more minutes.

“I have thought about it and I have played it in my head, and I’ve had years of regret. First I regretted ever kissing you, but then I _couldn’t_ regret it, so I focused on regretting running away, and I know you said I didn’t have to say it, but I’m sorry - I’m so sorry, but I knew you didn’t see me like that and I just couldn’t bare to hear you say it. I was so young and I think if I heard you saying you didn’t like me like that and that we should go our separate ways I wouldn’t have made it, it would break me. I’m so sorry Sara, for leaving the stupid park bench, for not answering your calls, for not reaching out, I was so _afraid_. And then I was convinced you didn’t want me in your life but Amaya told me you expected me in Laurel’s service, and I knew I had disappointed you once again - I’m so so so sorry for that too. I can’t even begin to imagine what you went through and I added to your pain - knowing that hurt me so much, it took me so long to recover. I was an immense coward but I’ve always cared Sara. I care so much. And I’ve been trying to live my life ignoring what a huge asshole I’ve been to the most special person I’ve ever met but it kicks me in the face every goddamn day and what can I say, I deserve it. But I’ve also learned from it Sara, I promise. I would never do these things again, it gives me chills just to think about it - I will never be that much of an asshole again to anyone. And now that I have you back” her voice broke a little “specially not to you. You can hold me accountable for that and I promise, if you accept it, I’ll happily make up for my actions for the rest of my life I just… I’m really sorry. I feel hugely undeserving.”

Ava blurted it all out, finishing as they arrived at the address she had typed on Sara’s car navigation system.

They both sat in silence, Ava looked like she was about to cry. It was a lot for Sara to process, and she was still stuck on the kiss and who had done it. Sara turned off the engine, touched Ava’s hand softly and said “Can I help you with you bags? You can pay me in pizza”.

Ava nodded, and they went up. Sara kept returning to her memories of the kiss and she started to wonder if maybe they hadn’t kissed each other. If it hadn’t happened like everything else happens with them - how they naturally sat on Ava’s living room floor and easily fell back on old conversation habits. Maybe kissing had come naturally to them, and they had leaned into it together.

Ava’s apartment was spectacular - it was so much like her. It was already dark outside, but the apartment was beautifully lit, furniture in white and grey tones, and wooden structures. It was stuffed with plants and books, and the living room had one of its walls filled with pictures. Ava had gone inside to put away her bag and Sara approached the pictures. She saw Ava travelling through Europe and South America, Ava with her parents, Ava and Amaya, but she spent the most time looking at a picture of the two of them. The visual representation of a memory she held so dear. And for perhaps the first time she wondered if Ava‘s feelings matched hers. She wasn’t stupid, she saw Ava’s looks and body language, but real feelings like she had - Sara had been too scared to look for those.

Ava returned to the living room avoiding her eyes. “Look, if you need some time after everything I said I unders-“

“I think we kissed each other, Ava”. Ava stared at her in disbelief.

“I went through all these years thinking you hated me for kissing you and honestly, I hated you a little for it” Sara said smiling, none of those feelings ringing any truth anymore. 

“So you came to my house after...”

“To apologize” they said together. 

They stared at each other for a few moments. 

“We kinda dumb huh” Ava said.

“You can say that again” Sara smiled.

Ava practically sprinted across the living room and hugged her. It was warm and welcoming and they fit oh so well. Ava’s hair was tickling her cheek and Sara’s chest felt warm and fuzzy. “I’m still sorry I wasn’t there for you after everything. That was really shitty” Ava said in her shoulder.

Sara pulled away from the hug. “Well, you did promise to make up to me, right?” Sara said smirking. Ava smiled and nodded “I can start with that pizza if you want”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First pizza, then... lol
> 
> Next chapter is our last one and we get our happy ending, and we're back on Ava's pov.
> 
> As always, thanks everyone for the kudos and comments.  
> Stay safe :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Last chapter!
> 
> Sooooo, I wrote smut. Sorry it hasn't been on the tags since the beginning but it really wasn't on my plans. I just felt like they needed it somehow? I hope it's well written and that it makes sense to the story.
> 
> Also, I don't believe in insecure Ava. Queen of "have you got a room on this ship" is present and thriving.
> 
> Enjoy!

Ava finished placing the order for their pizzas while Sara went to the bathroom. The last couple of hours still felt unreal, and she half expected that she imagined everything and that Sara wasn’t really in her bathroom.

Everything was finally out in the open. She couldn’t remember feeling this happy or this relaxed, and the feeling kept growing while they ate and talked about all the things they’d missed in each other’s lives.

They were in the kitchen getting more wine, Sara had her hair over one shoulder, her coat long gone, and Ava had been absently imagining what it would be like to touch Sara’s neck when Sara said “You know, I really like the picture you chose of us to put on your wall”. Sara was facing away from Ava, opening a new bottle of wine, but Ava could almost feel that Sara was smirking at her.

Ava would have expected to be flustered around Sara’s compliments and teasing, but she didn’t. It felt nice, it felt a little like winning, like Sara saw her again. Sara still was, after all this time, the person that made her feel seen. Ava smiled “Yeah? Why is that?”.

“I think that was the first day that I started to realize my feelings for you” Sara turned around to face Ava, looking straight into her eyes. 

Ava could see all she felt staring back at her. Sara stared at her, completely open, her feelings bare on her face. Sara’s eyes felt endless, and they were filled with raw and secure affection. There was no hesitation, there was no doubt. Finally, there was no room for anxiety, and Ava let out a breath that felt like she’d been holding for years.

Ava felt her heart grow and didn’t notice she was approaching Sara until she was inches away, never losing eye contact. The affection in Sara’s eyes turned darker as they traveled through Ava’s face, until they found her lips and stayed there. Sara inched toward Ava’s face, and Ava could feel her heart beating faster, her cheeks growing warmer. Sara stopped when their noses were almost touching, as if waiting for permission, and Ava grabbed hold of both of her hands, prompting Sara to close her eyes with a sigh. 

Ava got to observe the freckles, little lines and tiny blond hairs that inhabited Sara’s face. She looked so soft, and smelled citrus-y, like a sunny summer sunset. She smelled exactly like Ava’s first memory. Ava had wanted this for so long, she couldn’t even remember anymore the first time she’d wanted to be this close to Sara. She supposed she had  _ always _ wanted to be this close do Sara, surrendering to the most magnetic feeling she had ever felt. Ava had struggled with an overactive mind and overall anxiety her whole adult life, and perhaps for the first time she felt totally at peace. The invisible race she’d been on her entire life was over, and she’d won it. 

Ava got closer to Sara, still drinking in the sight before her, dragging her hands up Sara’s arms until they were on her neck. She was so beautiful, so soft under Ava’s hands. Her gaze drifted again at Sara’s still exposed neck. She buried one hand in Sara’s hair, and with the other she traced the outline of Sara’s ear with a feather light touch. 

Sara leaned in to the hand that was lightly scratching her scalp, sighing again, eyes still closed, giving Ava more access to her neck. As Ava’s fingers traveled from Sara’s ear to the side of her neck, Ava leaned in to kiss behind Sara’s ear. Ava was floating and everything around her was just Sara, and she’d never felt this  _ complete _ . Her hand was still going down Sara’s neck, touching first with her fingers and then with her mouth. Both touches were so soft, barely there, and Ava could feel the heat from Sara’s skin, feel her pulse quickening. Ava reached the crook of Sara’s neck and placed another kiss there, open mouthed, tasting her skin for the first time, her hand having gone all the way to Sara’s shoulder. 

Ava lifted her head to look at Sara’s face again, who opened her eyes - darker now than before, her cheeks flushed. Her lips were parted as she put her hands on Ava’s waist, fisting the fabric and dragging Ava closer, and Ava couldn’t hold back a sharp intake, her body totally flushed to Sara’s. Ava’s hand was now on Sara’s collarbone, leaving goosebumps wherever her fingers touch. Sara inched towards Ava once again, and this time Ava kissed her. 

Ava kissed her for the second time in her life, and it felt like coming home on a very cold night, and being welcomed by a warm fireplace, fuzzy socks and heavy blankets. She felt engulfed in warmth and comfort.

Sara’s kiss was soft and tender. Ava had now both hands in Sara’s hair, and was being held by her strong arms. Ava took a steps forward, pressing Sara on the kitchen counter. Sara hummed as Ava lightly scratched her scalp, and turned her head to deepen the kiss. 

Sara was kissing her like she knew exactly what Ava liked, and it was deliciously slow and meticulous, like they both knew they had all the time in the world to do this. There was no storm coming this time.

Ava’s hands drifted down from Sara’s hair to trace her fingers on Saras back, over her shirt, until she found the hem of Saras shirt, fingers tracing the skin showing. Ava left her mouth and went back to her neck, leaving open mouth kisses and lightly grazing her teeth on the soft and freckled skin. Sara’s hands came up to her hair deliciously tugging and pulling Ava closer at the same time. 

Ava’s hand started to slowly explore Sara’s back, going up and coming down, very lightly scratching at the same time as she bit down Saras neck. The moan that left Sara’s lips was the best sound Ava had ever heard, and her nails dug deeper in Sara’s skin, making the woman arch into her. 

“Sara, I want to undress you. Can I do that?” Ava said, breathless, her voice rough and low. 

Sara visibly shivered “Yes”.

Ava smiled as she grabbed Sara’s hand and took her to her room. As soon as they stepped in, Ava spun Sara, so that they were facing each other. Ava came close to Sara’s face, tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and smiled before kneeling to the floor. 

Sara’s hands immediately came to her hair as Ava lifted one of her feet to remove her boots and socks. Ava kissed her ankle before doing the same to the other foot. While she got up again her hand explored the outer part of Sara’s legs, until they came to her hips and pulled Sara close. She kissed Sara’s jaw and said in her ear “Stand still”. Sara whimpered.

Ava had imagined this way too many times to rush through it. She was going to take her sweet time enjoying every square inch of Sara’s body. She moved to Sara’s back and hugged her from behind. Sara ground her ass on Ava’s front and Ava couldn’t stop a low moan from coming out of her before she bit Sara’s shoulder. Her hands moved from Sara’s middle to the hem of her shirt, finally touching Sara’s abs. 

She grazed her nails as lightly as she could, going up and then down, and repeating, each time going further up, all the while kissing her shoulders, her neck, her ear. Her fingers reached Sara’s bra and stopped, going all the way down to her jeans’ waistband and dipping two fingers inside. 

“Ava” Sara said, breathing heavily “I thought you were going to undress me”

“I’ve wanted this for too long to take it for granted” Ava said in her ear. Sara turned around to face Ava and kissed her, hard, all her desire spilling out in hard teeth and nails digging in skin. Ava pulled out smiling, this was all too perfect. If it weren’t for the love bites and nail marks she would think she was dreaming. She looked at Sara, trying to memorize what she was seeing. Her swollen lips, flushed cheek and chest, and her eyes. Her eyes wanted  _ Ava _ and she could drown in them. 

Her hands found the hem of Sara’s shirt again, and she spread her hands on Sara’s sides, this time taking the tank top with her. Sara lifted her arms up and helped get rid of it, and as soon as it was gone Ava was kissing her chest and palming her breasts over her bra.

“You are, without a doubt, the most beautiful person I have ever seen, Sara. You are breathtaking” Ava said, looking into Sara’s eyes, her hands moving to the bra clasp. Sara lunged forward to kiss her again, and Ava ran her fingers on her sides, under her unclasped bra. Sara moaned in Ava’s mouth and tugged lightly her hair, making Ava groan. 

Ava detached herself from Sara once again, making Sara whimper at the loss. Ava was reveling in all the sounds Sara was making, further proof that Sara wanted this. Her naked torso was littered in freckles and Ava wanted to kiss every single one of them. Instead she kneeled again, her face leveled with Sara’s zipper. 

“Ava, please” Sara pleaded. Ava opened the jeans button and undid the zipper, licking Sara’s lower belly, stealing a slightly louder moan from Sara. Ava put her hands inside Sara’s opened pants, palming Sara’s ass and dragging down, carrying the pants and underwear until Sara was completely naked standing right before her. She made her way up from Sara’s ankles with her mouth and her hands, until she reached Sara’s thighs. “Aves, I don’t think I can stand up much longer” Sara whispered, her entire face flushed, eyes wide and glossy. 

Ava got up and guided Sara backwards until she was sitting on the bed. Ava took off her own shoes and clothes, left with only her black sports bra and black boyshorts. 

When she looked back to Sara the woman had her bottom lip between her teeth, looking all over Ava’s body. “You’re still a runner” it wasn’t a question, and Sara was smirking. Ava started walking slowly towards the bed, a lazy smile in her face. Sara licked her lips and dragged her hands on Avas abs. 

The taller blonde leaned down to kiss Sara, but Sara skillfully flipped them, landing on top of Ava, straddling her waist, hands on her shoulder, pressing her on the bed. “You see, I’m a bit of a fitness freak too” Sara said, leaning down to kiss Ava’s lips. “And I used to fight people in bars” she said as she kissed Ava on her neck. 

Ava forced herself up, so that she was sitting. “I don’t see you putting much of a fight right now”, Ava whispered, right before slowly placing her lips around Sara’s nipple. Sara moaned and ground down against her.

“Not a fair fight” Sara moaned with her hands in Ava’s hair. Ava grabbed her ass and pushed her down, increasing the friction. 

“Do you want me to stop?” she said before paying attention to Sara’s other nipple.

“Don’t you dare” Sara breathed out. 

Ava flipped them again, and now Sara was lying down under her. Her golden hair spilled out; her freckled, creamy body - naked, almost buzzing for Ava; her face and chest flushed; her mouth in a  _ smile _ . A genuine smile, Sara was happy. Ava couldn’t help smile back, her thumb grazing Sara’s cheek. They met each other in a kiss that still held smiles, until Ava turned her head to deepen in. And just like that, Sara was trembling again beneath her, and Ava brought her knee to Sara’s center, rocking slightly forward. Sara was extremely responsive, and it was making it harder for Ava to keep the control she’d had so far. 

Ava could feel her knee getting drenched and it felt incredible - she finally had Sara underneath her, and wanting her, and Ava’s mouth was watering. “Can I go down on you?”

Sara arched her back, grinding harder on Ava’s knee, whispering “Please”.

Ava took her time, kissing Sara’s torso, breasts, every line in Sara’s abs, the inside of Sara’s thighs. When she finally dipped her tongue in Sara’s folds, the smaller blonde almost sat up on the bed. Her whimpers and moans grew louder as Ava flicked her tongue on her clit. Ava slipped two fingers inside, moaning at the feeling of Sara enveloping her. Sara had her hands deep in Ava’s hair, grinding on Ava’s face, calling Ava’s name, cursing, moaning.

Ava kept increasing her rhythm, her fingers going knuckle deep and reaching, her lips sucking, until Sara’s legs were twitching. Ava felt her release building around her fingers first, her entire body contracting and shaking before relaxing completely. Sara came moaning Ava’s name, and Ava’d never been more turned on in her life. She helped Sara ride it out, and moaned while licking her fingers clean, eyes locked with Sara’s.

“Ava, what the fuck” Sara said, when she managed to catch her breath.

“What? Not a fan? I can try again” Ava said while brushing her fingers on Sara’s thighs. Sara shivered, but laughed. 

“Maybe later, first I need to do some stuff to you”. 

Ava felt the heat in her lower belly increase. “Yeah?” she whispered.

“Yeah” Sara whispered back while setting herself again on Ava’s lap. “Let me make sure you understand what you have to do when I go next” she said, smirking.

\----

Ava woke up with her chest light and her shoulders relaxed. As soon as she breathed in, her eyes still closed, she remembered everything. Sara’s head was on her shoulder, her arms and legs tangled on Ava. The sun came through the window, shining on their legs. She smiled - the action seemed the only outlet for everything she was feeling.

She heard her morning alarm go off on her phone, forgotten on the living room. “ _ Why is my alarm ring- oh shit, today’s Monday _ ”. She detached herself from Sara to find her phone and send an email to Gideon, to organize the week’s schedule. Her phone already had a couple of Happy Birthday texts, and what must have been a couple hundred texts from Amaya asking what had happened between her and Sara. Ava smiled while replying the birthday wishes, and told Amaya she would call later. 

She hopped in the shower, got dressed and started making breakfast when she heard Sara calling her from the room. “Ava? I need help”. Ava could hear the smile on her voice, so it was no surprise when she arrived in the bedroom and Sara was spread out on the bed. “I’m not strong enough to get up. Help?”

Ava sighed, smiling, and offered her hands to Sara. It was - again - not a big surprise when Sara tugged her down and glued herself to Ava’s side.

“A bit rude to wake up in an empty bed. What kind of host are you? Is it just because it’s your birthday you think you get to do whatever you want? Are you running a dictatorship of some kind?”

Ava bit back a laugh, trying to school her face into looking serious “Today’s Monday, I have to work. You know, I had to review the most atrocious book a couple of weeks ago, and was forced to write a good review. The things journalists go through, it’s appalling.”

“Yeah, I bet. I also bet it’s your bedside table book now.” Sara said, letting Ava go and stretching to open the drawer, reaching in without looking. Her hand found the drawing - the pirates,  _ them _ . Sara looked at the drawing for a couple of silent minutes, then she looked at Ava. Ava felt, again, that warm, comfort feeling, that completeness. Sara put the drawing back on the drawer and closed it, both silent. Sara adjusted herself on the bed so that she was facing Ava, both her hands on Ava’s cheeks, trembling lightly. Ava got the best birthday gift she could have ever asked for, her lips tingling once again.

\---- ---- ---- -----

It’s January, and they’d decided to travel for a couple of days somewhere sunny. Sara's book had been an absolute Christmas best-seller - Ava was so proud of her. Ava had to work a little, but it was mostly a calm week for her. They were out in the sun, on a tiny beach Ava thought was called Maraú. Sara knew some people on the publishing company that recommended the Brazilian beach to them, and it did not disappoint.

They were under a palm tree, sitting on the sand, Sara’s head was on Ava's lap. Ava was running her hands through Sara’s hair. She smiled, the feelings she’d always carried filling her chest and her eyes, as she leaned down and kissed Sara, lightly.

“What are you smiling about?” 

“I love you. I’m in love with you. I always have been” 

It was the first time she said it, but Ava was absolutely sure Sara knew it. Still, the words seemed to shine a light inside of Sara, who gave Ava the most beautiful smile.

“Took you long enough, dumbass” Sara said, and pulled Ava down for a longer kiss. 

Sara pulled away but their foreheads were still touching. “I love you too, so so much”

They smiled and fell into a comfortable silence, wrapped up in each other, until the sun set completely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there we go!
> 
> You guys, thank you so much for all the comments and kudos! It's really changed the game for me. I may have already said this, but it's my first fic, and it feels good to find out I don't stink super bad.
> 
> Hope this has helped distract you guys from this huge dumpster fire we call Earth.
> 
> Love,  
> E.


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